Twenty-Five

"You talk like a crazy person."
This was Dad's way of saying he disagreed with what you said. But to get the full effect of this line, you really had to see his ironic expression. He appeared serious and concerned about your mental health while a quiet giggle danced in his eye.

Twenty-Four

"It's about to rain on my bald head."
Dad uttered this line whenever he saw dark clouds above. It was as automatic as breathing.

Twenty-Three

"Rather climb a tree and tell a lie, than stand on the ground and tell the truth."
Referred to pathological liars who really couldn't help themselves. Politicians were an exception to this particular rule-of-thumb. (Thanks to cousin David for this one!)

Twenty-Two

"He's singing, 'How dry I am.'"
Meant the person to whom Dad referred was drunk.

Eighteen

“That’s what I always wanted and never had.”
This could apply to anything from a good cup of coffee to a brand new suit. Whenever Dad thoroughly appreciated something, this was his way of expressing it.

Seventeen

“I’m blind in one eye and can’t see out of the other.”
Dad suffered from diabetes and always had poor eyesight. A notoriously slow driver anyway (oh, he used to drive us nuts when we were kids, and those in 18-wheelers especially dreaded seeing him hit the road), he later slid into the habit of simply throwing his foot on the gas pedal and letting the car take it from there. Picture a funeral procession. That’s when we took his car keys away, and this line was his response when folk asked him why.

Sixteen

“Warm my palm.”
This was Dad’s way of telling us we owed him money. Hand it over.

Fifteen

“I’d have to get better to die.”
Pretty self-explanatory. We knew Dad felt rough and tough when he used this line.